how to win friends and influence people summary

‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’ Summary

How to win friends and influence people’ is one of the leading books in the category of self-improvement books. This book was written in 1936 by Dale Carnegie. Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Beside this book, he wrote many other bestsellers like, How to stop worrying, Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business, The leader in you, Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking and many other books which were published with the passage of time.

Out of his all books, How to win friends and influence has been the finest one. This book can be summarized into four parts. 

(The links throughout the article are the principals written in the book. If you want to read further about a certain principal, click on the link.) 

1: Fundamental Techniques In Handling People.

Handling people is a skill. Not everyone can handle people in the best way, the way they should be. Many people have problems in handling people. It is a big problem but is rarely discussed. It is a problem, especially for the introverts. They face anxiety or depression while dealing with bad people.

Do not criticize, condemn, or complain. Ninety-nine percent of the time people do not criticize themselves for anything they did wrong. It is a natural fact that people do not want any burden on their shoulders. People want to see themselves as free. For example, most of the people jammed in a traffic consider traffic a reason because of which they can not reach the desired destination at its exact time. They never think that they themselves are traffic.

Its another example is the public of a country. People in developing or underdeveloped countries consider government responsible for every bad thing happening in their country. They do not realize that the government is formed out of their own people. Confucius says that,

“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean.”

When it comes to criticism, people do not applaud a person for 99 percent of the achievements that he had, they criticize him for the 1 percent of the failure. Few people complain about every small and simple thing, which is never going to allow to win friends and influence people.

Appreciate other. Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. We, humans, are hungry for appreciation. History sparkles with amusing examples of famous people struggling for a feeling of importance. When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. So, Do not be jealous of the efforts of others. Motivate yourself from their success, take it as an inspiration.

Remember that you can never have good relations with a person whom you hate. We live in an era where it is must to co-operate with others and create a win-win situation. Accept other people, applaud their efforts open heartedly and God will also plan the same for you.

Dale says in How to win friends and influence people that, arise in other people an eager to want. This is a common problem. most of the people do not know the method of taking help from others or persuading others to do something. Remember, no one cares about you, everyone cares about him/herself. If you degrade others, they will degrade you.

You can persuade someone to work for you by arousing an eager to work for you. This is the principle owned by the leaders. They arise eager in their workers, give their workers reasons to work for them. The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. There is a need to see the matter from the other person point of view, then plan to arise an eager in him.

2: Ways To Make People Like You.

Become genuinely interested in people. You may know a very interesting fact that in the English language, the most used word is ‘I’. People always want to talk about themselves. Everyone is a poet who wants to describe his own pain. Everyone thinks that only he/she is dealing with problems in life. But this is not a fact, everyone in this world is dealing with his own problems.
A human is always the admirer of attention. If you give someone attention, he will be glad and in return, he will be good to you. Therefore, give respect and become interested in others. That is the reason extroverts have more friends because they always are interested in the talks of others.
The other thing is to smile. When a person smiles at you, he indirectly tells you that he likes you, you make him happy and he is glad to see you. A smile is a very powerful thing. Even if you try to fake a smile, still you will feel positive vibes. This is the thing that works in business. I would be interested in going to a restaurant again where a waiter dealt me with a smiling face. There is a Chinese proverb,
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop”
You might have also heard this famous quote from ‘How to win friends and influence people.”
“The name of a person is the sweetest sound to him in any language”
The name of a person is important to remember. One of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining goodwill was by remembering and making people feel important. The first lesson a politician learns is to recall a voter’s name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion. Napoleon knew this technique, He used to know the name of a person first; If he could not understand it, he would ask for its spelling.
Be a Good Listener. This is an important principle to become a better conversationalist. Many people do not listen to others. They only want to put their problems in front of others. And when it is done, they don’t care about the stories of others. Interrupting others in their talk; looking here and there; talking to someone else, these all are bad habits in a conversation. People are a hundred times more interested in themselves rather than you. They do not care about the war killing thousands of people in Syria, they only care about their toothache.
Talk about the other person’s interest. Talk about what is important to him/her. No one cares about your printer not working in your office. They only want to know about that *cough* hot secretary in your office. SO speak to them in the term of their interest. If you are talking to an American, do not brag about cricket, discuss with him about your favorite football player, ohh! I mean soccer. This is the rule which will make him like you.
When you make the other person feel important, they start to obey you. To win friends and influence people, Give compliments to people. Make them feel important. Do not miss their names in thanking them. This is what seems better to hear. That is why many people act crazily in the society to gain attention.

3: MethodsOf Winning People To Your Way Of Thinking.

You cannot win an argument. If you lose it; You lose it and if you win it, you still lose it. You may feel happy for a while that you have an argument. But the other person will feel guilty. Most of these arguments end up in physical fights. Therefore, If you want to want to win an argument, just avoid it.

Give respect to what others say. Even if you are hundred percent sure that the other person is wrong, do not tell him, “You are wrong”. Come up with a nice method like, “I respect your opinion but I think it is like this”.Socrates said to his followers,

“One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing”.

When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves, but we do not admit it in front of others. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Your only aim is to change the mind of the other person. That person is your mirror, if you are having a nice conversation with him, he will respond to you nicely. Remember, always begin with a friendly way to change others.

While talking with people, do not discuss those points on which you differ. Discuss those points on which you have unity. Get the person saying yes! yes! at the outset. This sets the listener’s mindset in an affirmative manner. Then, when you present the point on which you differ; he will be eager to say yes! Because this is the method which will change his psychology. Treat someone softly. There is a quote,

“He who treads softly goes far”

Let the other person talk. Let the other person convince you. If he is right, accept his point of you and if he is wrong. show respect for his opinion and tell him the truth.

4: Change People Without Giving Offence.

The last section of ‘How to win friends and influence people’ is How to change people without giving offense. How to win friends and influence people covers almost every sort of problem within it. This is the quality of Dale Carnegie.
You just have to give honest appreciation for what the other person has spoken well. But, when there is a point on which you differ, call attention to his mistake indirectly. Directly telling others that ‘You are wrong.’ will never change the thoughts of others. Do not offend anyone. Talk about your mistakes,  before criticizing another person. This will help him digest the truth of committing a mistake. It will not offend him because he will realize that everyone commits mistakes. Let him save his face. When he is in a gathering, corner him and tell him about his mistake.
Do not hurt the reputation of the other person. use encouragement: make the fault seem easy to correct. And most importantly, make the other person feel happy about doing the things you suggest.
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2 thoughts on “‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’ Summary”

  1. well written, the idea of choosing books for self-improvement aid a lot in the hustling consequences being faced by daily terms and you are contributing to it. Keep it up!

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