‘How to win friends and influence people’ is one of the leading books in the category of self-improvement books. This book was written in 1936 by Dale Carnegie. Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Beside this book, he wrote many other bestsellers like, How to stop worrying, Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business, The leader in you, Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking and many other books which were published with the passage of time.
Out of his all books, How to win friends and influence has been the finest one. This book can be summarized into four parts.
(The links throughout the article are the principals written in the book. If you want to read further about a certain principal, click on the link.)
1: Fundamental Techniques In Handling People.
Handling people is a skill. Not everyone can handle people in the best way, the way they should be. Many people have problems in handling people. It is a big problem but is rarely discussed. It is a problem, especially for the introverts. They face anxiety or depression while dealing with bad people.
Do not criticize, condemn, or complain. Ninety-nine percent of the time people do not criticize themselves for anything they did wrong. It is a natural fact that people do not want any burden on their shoulders. People want to see themselves as free. For example, most of the people jammed in a traffic consider traffic a reason because of which they can not reach the desired destination at its exact time. They never think that they themselves are traffic.
Its another example is the public of a country. People in developing or underdeveloped countries consider government responsible for every bad thing happening in their country. They do not realize that the government is formed out of their own people. Confucius says that,
“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean.”
When it comes to criticism, people do not applaud a person for 99 percent of the achievements that he had, they criticize him for the 1 percent of the failure. Few people complain about every small and simple thing, which is never going to allow to win friends and influence people.
Appreciate other. Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. We, humans, are hungry for appreciation. History sparkles with amusing examples of famous people struggling for a feeling of importance. When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. So, Do not be jealous of the efforts of others. Motivate yourself from their success, take it as an inspiration.
Remember that you can never have good relations with a person whom you hate. We live in an era where it is must to co-operate with others and create a win-win situation. Accept other people, applaud their efforts open heartedly and God will also plan the same for you.
Dale says in How to win friends and influence people that, arise in other people an eager to want. This is a common problem. most of the people do not know the method of taking help from others or persuading others to do something. Remember, no one cares about you, everyone cares about him/herself. If you degrade others, they will degrade you.
You can persuade someone to work for you by arousing an eager to work for you. This is the principle owned by the leaders. They arise eager in their workers, give their workers reasons to work for them. The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. There is a need to see the matter from the other person point of view, then plan to arise an eager in him.
2: Ways To Make People Like You.
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop”
“The name of a person is the sweetest sound to him in any language”
3: MethodsOf Winning People To Your Way Of Thinking.
Give respect to what others say. Even if you are hundred percent sure that the other person is wrong, do not tell him, “You are wrong”. Come up with a nice method like, “I respect your opinion but I think it is like this”.Socrates said to his followers,
“One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing”.
When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves, but we do not admit it in front of others. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Your only aim is to change the mind of the other person. That person is your mirror, if you are having a nice conversation with him, he will respond to you nicely. Remember, always begin with a friendly way to change others.
While talking with people, do not discuss those points on which you differ. Discuss those points on which you have unity. Get the person saying yes! yes! at the outset. This sets the listener’s mindset in an affirmative manner. Then, when you present the point on which you differ; he will be eager to say yes! Because this is the method which will change his psychology. Treat someone softly. There is a quote,
“He who treads softly goes far”
Let the other person talk. Let the other person convince you. If he is right, accept his point of you and if he is wrong. show respect for his opinion and tell him the truth.