Once I had an argument with my school teacher on a certain topic, We argued a lot with each other; But yet there was no point which could impress me to believe his idea. After all this discussion, he told me, “These all problems in the world are because someone is not believing someone’s idea”. This was the point which made me think. Winning people to your way of thinking is not an easy task. It is an art. After reading “How to win friends and influence people” of Dale Carnegie, I have picked some points from there which will enable you in winning people to your way of thinking. So here are those six points.
- You can not win an argument.
- Show respect for other person’s opinion.
- Admit your mistakes.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Use the Socrate’s method.
- Let the other person talk.
1: You can not win an argument
In his book, Dale shares a story of him. He says that once he and his friend were guests somewhere. There, the host quoted a quote from Shakespeare and told that it is from the Bible. Dale says that he argued with the host and tried to convince him that it is of Shakespeare. The host was not eager to accept this. Dale asked his friend who had studied well about Shakespeare. His friend supported the host. After leaving the house, Dale asked his friend that was that quote really from the Bible? His friend replied that he just wanted Dale to lose this argument. Indeed that quote was of Shakespeare. Dale’s friend saved the face of that host. It could have been an embarrassment for him.
You cannot win an argument. If you lose it; You lose it and if you win it, you still lose it. You may feel happy for a while that you have an argument. But the other person will feel guilty. Most of these arguments end up in physical fights. Therefore, If you want to want to win an argument, just avoid it.
2: Show respect for other person’s opinion
Socrates said to his followers,
“One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing”.
Dale writes in “How to win friends and influence people” that most of the times people are wrong about the thing they argue. They do not respect the opinion of others and consider their statement as one hundred percent sure. This is not the fact. Theodore Roosevelt once said that if he could be right 75% of the times, he could have reached the highest level of his expectations. So if a person like him was not right most of the times, how can you and I be? We can not even be right 55% of the times.
Give respect to what others say. Even if you are hundred percent sure that the other person is wrong, do not tell him, “You are wrong”. Come up with a nice method like, “I respect your opinion but I think it is like this”.
3: Admit your mistakes
Dale writes that he used to go for walk with his pet dog to a park. Dogs were not allowed in there. One day the police officer caught him and warned him not to bring the dog again. After few days, Dale again went to park with his dog. The officer saw him. As the officer went towards him, Dale admitted his mistake and apologized to it for what he had done. The officer got impressed by this attitude of Dale and let him roam with his dog that day.
Just be accepting his mistake, Dale won the heart of that officer. Our aim must not be standing by what we say. We must stand by what is right. That is how winning people to your way of thinking is done.
4: Begin in a friendly way
This point is mostly for those people who get angry quickly during a conversation. This could be you too right! So if you are talking to someone who is just your mirror, you need to change your attitude to the discussion. You don’t have to be angry. Because if you knock someone’s door with a punch, they will come and break your door with a hammer. You need to be well to him. Because you aim is to change his mindset. And you can only be successful in this by talking to him in a friendly way. Talk to him/her as if you are on your first date with your lover. Yeah! by that I really mean it. Because winning people to your way of thinking is not easy.
5: Use the Socrates method
While talking with people, do not discuss those points on which you differ. Discuss those points on which you have unity. Get the person saying yes! yes! at the outset. This sets the listener’s mindset in an affirmative manner. Then, when you present the point on which you differ; he will be eager to say yes! Because this is the method which will change his psychology. Treat someone softly. There is a quote,
“He who treads softly goes far”
6: Let the other person talk
This is the principal of listening to someone. In my previous article, “Ways to make people like you” I have told you to listen to others carefully. This is what has a positive impact. In many cases, people who act hype lack the points behind their logic. When you give them time to explain, they fail. This is how you win them to your way of thinking.
Let the other person talk. Let the other person convince you. If he is right, accept his point of you and if he is wrong. show respect for his opinion and tell him the truth.
so these were the first 6 points of methods of winning people to your way of thinking from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to win friends and influence people. You can read part two of this article by clicking here.